Anyone with a beating pulse knows that the Eastern Conference is so boring for the NBA. This year's first annual SSR NBA preview will feature a sneak peek of the 15 teams in the Eastern Conference, and then proceed to make it a joke.
Atlantic Division:
1. Toronto Raptors (47-35 in 2006)
Good: They made the playoffs under Coach of the Year Sam Mitchell for the 1st time since 2001.
Bad: Even the Raptors players can't name the starting five.
Projected finish: 51-31.
2. New Jersey Nets (41-41 in 2006)
Good: Jason Kidd knows how to get the party started.
Bad: Fans officially known as the quietest 20,000 fans ever
Projected finish: 40-42.
3. New York Knicks (33-49 in 2006)
Good: Isiah Thomas knows how to get the party started.
Bad: He can't coach for crap.
Projected finish: 29-53
4. Boston Celtics (24-58 in 2006)
Good: Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce
Bad: Human cloning of these three is still not permitted.
Projected finish: 27-55
5. Philadelphia 76ers (35-47 in 2006)
Good: They still exist.
Bad: They still exist.
Projected finish: 26-56
Central Division
1. Cleveland Cavaliers (50-32 in 2006)
Good: So close to winning the NBA Finals, too bad the Spurs bored them to death.
Bad: Larry Hughes is somehow still on the team.
Projected finish: 52-30
2. Detroit Pistons (53-29 in 2006)
Good: Not making the NBA Finals two years in a row has done great wonders from more exciting teams.
Bad: Still boring.
Projected finish: 51-31
3. Chicago Bulls (49-33 in 2006)
Good: A very surprising season in 06 may be their jump start for the future.
Bad: Ben Wallace's afro must be cut down before the arena explodes.
Projected finish: 48-34
4. Indiana Pacers (35-47 in 2006)
Good: ....
Bad: Everything
Projected finish: 30-52
5. Milwaukee Bucks (28-54 last year)
Good: They finally figured out the name of their coach.
Bad: Michael Redd cannot play every position.
Projected finish: 22-60
Southeast Division
1. Miami Heat (49-33 in 2006)
Good: Experienced team.
Bad: Will walk with a cane during game.
Projected finish: 47-35
2. Orlando Magic (40-42 in 06)
Good: Fans know of their existence. Grant Hill is healthy.
Bad: Grant Hill has planned his injury for the 1st game.
Projected finish: 42-40
3. Washington Wizards (41-41 in 06)
Good: They made the playoffs
Bad: Gilbert Arenas can't make 90 foot shots all the time.
Projected finish: 39-43
4. Charlotte Bobcats (33-49 in 06)
Good: Improved with Michael Jordan being a part of the team
Bad: Michael isn't playing.
Projected finish: 34-48
5. Atlanta Hawks (30-52 in 06)
Good: Michael Vick has gone past the Hawks as worst thing in Atlanta.
Bad: WNBA still doesn't accept men playing.
Projected finish: 23-59
So I finished late, and the Western Conference will come a day late, but it's only game 1 of the season.
1. Toronto Raptors (47-35 in 2006)
Good: They made the playoffs under Coach of the Year Sam Mitchell for the 1st time since 2001.
Bad: Even the Raptors players can't name the starting five.
Projected finish: 51-31.
2. New Jersey Nets (41-41 in 2006)
Good: Jason Kidd knows how to get the party started.
Bad: Fans officially known as the quietest 20,000 fans ever
Projected finish: 40-42.
3. New York Knicks (33-49 in 2006)
Good: Isiah Thomas knows how to get the party started.
Bad: He can't coach for crap.
Projected finish: 29-53
4. Boston Celtics (24-58 in 2006)
Good: Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce
Bad: Human cloning of these three is still not permitted.
Projected finish: 27-55
5. Philadelphia 76ers (35-47 in 2006)
Good: They still exist.
Bad: They still exist.
Projected finish: 26-56
Central Division
1. Cleveland Cavaliers (50-32 in 2006)
Good: So close to winning the NBA Finals, too bad the Spurs bored them to death.
Bad: Larry Hughes is somehow still on the team.
Projected finish: 52-30
2. Detroit Pistons (53-29 in 2006)
Good: Not making the NBA Finals two years in a row has done great wonders from more exciting teams.
Bad: Still boring.
Projected finish: 51-31
3. Chicago Bulls (49-33 in 2006)
Good: A very surprising season in 06 may be their jump start for the future.
Bad: Ben Wallace's afro must be cut down before the arena explodes.
Projected finish: 48-34
4. Indiana Pacers (35-47 in 2006)
Good: ....
Bad: Everything
Projected finish: 30-52
5. Milwaukee Bucks (28-54 last year)
Good: They finally figured out the name of their coach.
Bad: Michael Redd cannot play every position.
Projected finish: 22-60
Southeast Division
1. Miami Heat (49-33 in 2006)
Good: Experienced team.
Bad: Will walk with a cane during game.
Projected finish: 47-35
2. Orlando Magic (40-42 in 06)
Good: Fans know of their existence. Grant Hill is healthy.
Bad: Grant Hill has planned his injury for the 1st game.
Projected finish: 42-40
3. Washington Wizards (41-41 in 06)
Good: They made the playoffs
Bad: Gilbert Arenas can't make 90 foot shots all the time.
Projected finish: 39-43
4. Charlotte Bobcats (33-49 in 06)
Good: Improved with Michael Jordan being a part of the team
Bad: Michael isn't playing.
Projected finish: 34-48
5. Atlanta Hawks (30-52 in 06)
Good: Michael Vick has gone past the Hawks as worst thing in Atlanta.
Bad: WNBA still doesn't accept men playing.
Projected finish: 23-59
So I finished late, and the Western Conference will come a day late, but it's only game 1 of the season.
0 comment(s):
Post a Comment