College Basketball Headlines in the Year 2020

Short hiatus, but it's back for another edition.


1. Dick Vitale demands world's 18 year olds enroll in Duke.

2. West Virginia wins NIT, company still can't get spelling down.

3. Duke finishes 18-12, lose ACC title game, get #2 seed in Charlotte region.

4. Billy Packer complains that Princeton shouldn't be in tourney, Princeton wins national title.

5. Don Imus on Rutgers men: "Those are some nappy headed robbers".

6. Pat Summitt takes it a little too far, performs strip tease for student section.

7. CBS wonders why James Brown is still announcing NCAA Basketball.

8. Bill Raftery and Gus Johnson team up to yell as loud as possible.

9. Washington goes 30-0, wins #1 seed, loses in 2nd round.

10. SEC gets a life, lets fans run onto court.

11. Mel Kiper Jr. goes to college b'ball, lists top players for year 2457.

12. Jay Bilas says something intelligent.

13. 15-0 Penn State vs. 2-13 Oral Roberts in London, England.

14. Brent Musberger yells "GOAL!!" everytime part time soccer player Julio Davis dunks the ball for Clemson.

NBA Headlines in the Year 2020

Yeah, I think the NBA will still be around.

1. WNBA gets better ratings than NBA games.

2. Seattle sues for the 5004th time on the Keyarena lease. Team was in Oklahoma City since 2013.

3. Isiah Thomas inadvertently hits on Joakim Noah, mistaking him for a girl.

4. Marv Albert inadvertently bites Joakim Noah, mistaking him for a girl.

5. Roger Goodell takes over as commish; bans timeouts, slam dunks, free throws.

6. Grant Hill becomes first NBA player to play while on a wheelchair.

7. Michael Jordan comeback rumors swirl.

8. The Pistons and the Spurs make the NBA Finals, but can't compete due to setting offensive play 100 years back.

9. Greg Oden dies of old age.

10. Memphis Grizzlies run out of fans.

11. Los Angeles Lakers get #1 pick in the draft; select unknown from Ukraine.

12. ESPN can't find a single team to be biased towards.

13. Mark Jackson has duct tape around his mark due to being the worst analyst since the time of man.

14. 29 of 30 teams select at least one 7'0 tall Chinese player at some point in the NBA Draft.

15. NBA defunct.

NFL TV Headlines in the Year 2020

Believe me, it will come true.

1. John Madden becomes Brett Favre's official mistress.

2. Monday Night Football to be broadcast on ESPN 8: The Ocho.

3. Sean Salisbury wonders why Carolina went 3-13, picks them to win the Super Bowl next year.

4. FOX Sports gets ambushed by viewers for letting Joe Buck continue his announcing duties and being a talk show host.

5. Bryant Gumbel still doesn't know that Al Gore isn't a football player.

6. ESPN sets record by hiring 134 analysts for Monday Night Countdown.

7. Super Bowl now broadcast on PPV for only $100.

8. CBS Sports NFL ratings plummet as Gus Johnson works for ESPN.

9. Chris Berman officially runs out of nicknames.

10. New channel, The Blog Network, now known as top source for all things NFL.

11. FOX to air only games involving the New York Giants.

12. CBS to air games only involving the Denver Broncos.

13. NBC airs Packer games only due to John Madden threat.

14. Dick Enberg retires after his bizarre rap album debuted.

15. Joe Theismann blows up ESPN headquarters at Bristol.

Headlines in the Year 2020: MLB Edition

I haven't done one in a while, but I'll poke some fun at MLB headlines in the year 2020, feel free to add your own.

1. Yankees' Wang unleashes on Twins
2. ESPN devotes 1 hour show devoted to the Yankees, to be titled Baseball Tonight.
3. Seattle Mariners win all 162 games in regular season, get swept in ALCS.
4. Florida Marlins discover that no one watches their games.
5. New York Mets blow 50 game lead......with only 44 games left (yeah, it's intentional).
6. Los Angeles Angels move to Compton, new name is Los Angeles Angels formerly from Anaheim but have now moved to Compton.
7. Ken Griffey Jr. schedules when he'll have his injuries.
8. Julio Franco retires.
9. A-Rod marries that chick from Toronto.
10. Mariners assign Jeff Weaver as pitching coach.
11. Chris Berman dies as he runs out of breath saying "back, back, back" over and over again.
12. Steroids legal.
13. Wang faces Johnson in pivotal showdown.
14. Roger Clemens: "One more year".
15. Toronto Blue Jays think about signing a Canadian.

NFL Headlines in the Year 2020

I've been wanting to do this, so now here it is:

"Fox Sports offers an all-incarcerated team of players."

"FCC gives Peyton Manning right to star or make a cameo in every commercial in the US."

"Cleveland Browns become first team in NFL history to trade a player during a game."

"Peter King finishes his list of top 10,000 NFL players of all time."



Read more!


"Al Davis dies at 1465."

"NFL folds due to every player testing positive for a banned substance."

"Bill Cowher dies, surgeons remove his chin to put on display at local museum"

"Seattle Seahawks win their 4th Super Bowl."---This wasn't supposed to be funny!

"Sean Salisbury: This time, the Panthers will win it all."

"Bill Belichick smiles."

"Lovie Smith finally admits Rex Grossman is a total waste of a QB."

"Dick Vermeil floods Kansas City with his endless crying for mundane things."