0-82 Season for Sonics 1/41 COMPLETE!!!

Suns 106 Sonics 99

The quest for total futility is 1/41th there!

Sonics Quest for 0-82 off to Great Start

120-103, Nuggets over Sonics. Kevin Durant makes 8-22, Seattle turns it over. I'm laughing.

The quest for 0-82 is off to a great start, come on Seattle, lose against the Suns!

2007 NBA Twisted Preview: Eastern Conference

Anyone with a beating pulse knows that the Eastern Conference is so boring for the NBA. This year's first annual SSR NBA preview will feature a sneak peek of the 15 teams in the Eastern Conference, and then proceed to make it a joke.

Atlantic Division:


1. Toronto Raptors (47-35 in 2006)

Good: They made the playoffs under Coach of the Year Sam Mitchell for the 1st time since 2001.

Bad: Even the Raptors players can't name the starting five.

Projected finish: 51-31.


2. New Jersey Nets (41-41 in 2006)

Good: Jason Kidd knows how to get the party started.

Bad: Fans officially known as the quietest 20,000 fans ever

Projected finish: 40-42.


3. New York Knicks (33-49 in 2006)

Good: Isiah Thomas knows how to get the party started.

Bad: He can't coach for crap.

Projected finish: 29-53


4. Boston Celtics (24-58 in 2006)

Good: Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce

Bad: Human cloning of these three is still not permitted.

Projected finish: 27-55


5. Philadelphia 76ers (35-47 in 2006)

Good: They still exist.

Bad: They still exist.

Projected finish: 26-56



Central Division


1. Cleveland Cavaliers (50-32 in 2006)

Good: So close to winning the NBA Finals, too bad the Spurs bored them to death.

Bad: Larry Hughes is somehow still on the team.

Projected finish: 52-30


2. Detroit Pistons (53-29 in 2006)

Good: Not making the NBA Finals two years in a row has done great wonders from more exciting teams.

Bad: Still boring.

Projected finish: 51-31


3. Chicago Bulls (49-33 in 2006)

Good: A very surprising season in 06 may be their jump start for the future.

Bad: Ben Wallace's afro must be cut down before the arena explodes.

Projected finish: 48-34


4. Indiana Pacers (35-47 in 2006)

Good: ....

Bad: Everything

Projected finish: 30-52

5. Milwaukee Bucks (28-54 last year)

Good: They finally figured out the name of their coach.

Bad: Michael Redd cannot play every position.

Projected finish: 22-60




Southeast Division


1. Miami Heat (49-33 in 2006)

Good: Experienced team.

Bad: Will walk with a cane during game.

Projected finish: 47-35


2. Orlando Magic (40-42 in 06)

Good: Fans know of their existence. Grant Hill is healthy.

Bad: Grant Hill has planned his injury for the 1st game.

Projected finish: 42-40

3. Washington Wizards (41-41 in 06)

Good: They made the playoffs

Bad: Gilbert Arenas can't make 90 foot shots all the time.

Projected finish: 39-43


4. Charlotte Bobcats (33-49 in 06)

Good: Improved with Michael Jordan being a part of the team

Bad: Michael isn't playing.

Projected finish: 34-48


5. Atlanta Hawks (30-52 in 06)

Good: Michael Vick has gone past the Hawks as worst thing in Atlanta.

Bad: WNBA still doesn't accept men playing.

Projected finish: 23-59



So I finished late, and the Western Conference will come a day late, but it's only game 1 of the season.

Soundbites From Week 8

Sunday is over, the games are done, here are some announcing quotes to report today from the games I was subjected to for the day.

"Good gracious, this game sucks" - Mookie, SSReporters founder and writer, who became annoyed with the Giants/Dolphins game in Wembley.

Now for some real ones.

"The Panthers run unique, different plays" - Phil Simms, CBS.

Hate to break it to ya buddy, but unique and different virtually mean the same thing.

"They have to get to the 47 of the Patriots for a first down" - Jim Nantz, CBS

That was the game between the Panthers/Colts. Whatever Jim, stick to golf.

"We are in Wembley Stadium in London" - Thom Brennaman, FOX Sports

For those who were punished to watching this, Thom tries to sound as quiet and uninterested in the game as possible.

"Jon Bison, er Bason, er Beason" - Phil Simms getting it right the 3rd time on Jon Beason's name.

"This crowd has been into it all game"- Daryl Johnston in the Giants/Dolphins game trying to make people not switch to CBS, while failing to realize that several fans left after the 3rd quarter.

"My usual partners Tony Siragusa and Daryl Johnston were sent to England, while I was sent to New England" - Kenny Albert, FOX Sports

Frank Caliendo you are not.

"Some booing in London from the fans" - Curt Menefee, FOX Sports Host

Well duh! It ended 13-10, the field was bad, the teams sucked, what were you EXPECTING??!!!

That's it from me, and this week is a twisted look at the NBA premiere.

NBA Headlines in the Year 2020

Yeah, I think the NBA will still be around.

1. WNBA gets better ratings than NBA games.

2. Seattle sues for the 5004th time on the Keyarena lease. Team was in Oklahoma City since 2013.

3. Isiah Thomas inadvertently hits on Joakim Noah, mistaking him for a girl.

4. Marv Albert inadvertently bites Joakim Noah, mistaking him for a girl.

5. Roger Goodell takes over as commish; bans timeouts, slam dunks, free throws.

6. Grant Hill becomes first NBA player to play while on a wheelchair.

7. Michael Jordan comeback rumors swirl.

8. The Pistons and the Spurs make the NBA Finals, but can't compete due to setting offensive play 100 years back.

9. Greg Oden dies of old age.

10. Memphis Grizzlies run out of fans.

11. Los Angeles Lakers get #1 pick in the draft; select unknown from Ukraine.

12. ESPN can't find a single team to be biased towards.

13. Mark Jackson has duct tape around his mark due to being the worst analyst since the time of man.

14. 29 of 30 teams select at least one 7'0 tall Chinese player at some point in the NBA Draft.

15. NBA defunct.

If I Interviewed......Tim Donaghy

Due to writer's block, If Joe Buck was a..... or anything to do with Gus Johnson has been stopped. So now, we've got a fresh set of blood. I've got a new series starting involving what would happen if I interviewed certain sports people. Today, we'll start with Tim Donaghy.

Disclaimer: This is pure satire, so none of this stuff is obviously real, I'm just here to bring some humor to you. SSR is me, and TD is for Tim Donaghy.

Interview Place: Outside of his prison cell.


SSR: Mr. Donaghy, it's a pleasure to meet you.

TD: You bet.

(awkward pause)

SSR: I understand you have been betting on NBA games, and pleaded guilty to that allegation, why did you bet on games?

TD: I knew you'd ask me that question. Now Johnny owes me $50.

SSR: It sounds to me like you have a serious problem.

TD: Yeah, it's pretty bad. I bet....

( I interrupt)

SSR: Mr. Donaghy, please stop.

TD: You bet.

(After going into a room with a sound proof wall and screaming my head off, I come right back)
SSR: You're a big NFL fan, who is your favorite player?

TD: Chris Gamble.

(Temper Boiling)

SSR: If you could go back in time, and could only change one thing would you still bet on NBA games? And don't give me a "you bet" answer.

TD: There are many other things I'd like to change.....I don't know. Any choice I make would be a pretty big gamble.....

SSR: Tim, quit it.

TD: You bet.

(Frustrated, I called security to take him back to his prison cell, and the interview ends.)

So there you have it, the first fake interview with a sports figure. Tune in next time to see my fake interview with Michael Vick.

I Think the Sonics are Going to Oklahoma City

Seattle Sonics minority owner and public enemy #1 Aubrey McClendon brilliantly said that the intention for Seattle was to move the team to Oklahoma City. According to the AP, McClendon said.......

"We know it's a little more difficult financially here in Oklahoma City, but we think it's great for the community and if we could break even we'd be thrilled," he told the newspaper, also saying he was "under a self-imposed gag order" in regards to the business end of the Sonics.

Retard.

I think he forgets that if the Sonics continue to struggle once they make their move to OK City, the fan base is going to drop. If the fan base drops, the Sonics franchise will be no longer. Seattle is a small market, it's tucked up 200 miles away from Canada, but it's the city in which they have been thriving for 40 years.

McClendon continued is idiotic rambling by saying this.....

McClendon said Oklahoma City has a "can-do spirit" and a supportive fan base.

"This is a sports town; nobody ever knew it was a pro sports town. I think it is," he said.

On the flip side, he said he doesn't feel Seattleites have the same enthusiasm.

"They take pride in Seattle not needing a NBA team to be considered a world-class city. That's probably true, they don't," he said.

Thank you Sherlock.

So brace yourselves Seattleites, see the Sonics 41 more times, because it'll be the last 41 times. I just wonder why literally every Seattle sports franchise has threatened to move?

Source: [1]

If Joe Buck was a............... basketball announcer

We know that many bloggers like me, and especially this blogger, hate the NFL and MLB on Fox announcer. So let's have a little fun and see what happens when he announces for another sport besides baseball and football. This week, we take a look at what would happen if he were an NBA announcer.

Disclaimer: This is obviously fake, this is just to poke fun at Mr. Buck himself, so don't write to me.



The Matchup: Seattle Supersonics (41-19) @ Chicago Bulls (32-27).


Joe Buck's introduction: "Welcome to the NBA on FOX, I'm Joe Buck, Mike Fratello will be here in a moment, but it's me time. The Bulls are on a roll, after a 26-27 record, they've won 6 in a row, have Ben Gordon, Ben Wallace, and their new star, Ben Vereen. It rains a lot in Seattle."

Buck describing a half court shot: "Gordon, a shot and a miss, Durant with the rebound, tries from half court, and he makes it. The Sonics are up 25-21 after the 1st quarter."

Buck witnessing a ridiculous dunk: "Ridnour, loses the ball, here comes Tyrus Thomas, and Thomas with the slamma jamma."

Fratello ends up being rushed to the hospital after laughing so hard at Buck trying to sound excited and interested, that he fell of his chair.

Buck calling final seconds of the game: "Crowd on their feet here at Chicago, 5 seconds left, Wallace, no good, Thomas for the win, yes, yes, the Bulls win 96-95 over the Sonics."

Signoff for the game: "So you have to wonder, at 41-20, the number #2 seed in the Western Conference, will the Sonics even make the playoffs? For Mike, I'm Joe, good night."


Okay, you've imagined him as a soccer announcer, and a basketball announcer. Next week, we'll have a new sport for him, volleyball. Keep sending your sports ideas to tjxanda@gmail.com

To see Buck as a soccer announcer, click here.

Rashard Lewis can go jump of a cliff pave the way for Kevin Durant

Breaking News: Seattle Sonics guard Rashard Lewis has voided his contract with the team, and will become a free agent. If there's one team that needs him the most, it's the Cleveland Cavaliers *cough* Larry Hughes sucks) Oh well, come on Seattle, draft freaking Kevin Durant!


More on this story later. Also, enjoy the 3 day weekend (I know I will!)

Update to my award predictions

2 awards have been given out in 3 days, and the people I predicted would get the following awards are correct.

NBA 6th Man: Leandro Barbosa (same team as Steve Nash)- correct

NBA Coach of the Year: Sam Mitchell (Toronto Raptors) Avery Johnson's run has been nice, but they just went to the Finals last year, the Raptors have gone from cellar dwellers to the playoffs with a lot of unknown players.- correct!

2007 NBA Playoffs Prediction Post: Round 1

Eastern Conference:

(1) Pistons vs. (8) Magic. Is there really anything to compare? Pistons in 4.

(2) Cavaliers vs. (7) Wizards. Can the Wizards just give up now? Cavs in 4.

(3) Raptors vs. (6) Nets. The Raptors are the cinderella team, the Nets have severe inconsistency, but because the Raptors lack playoff experience, Raptors in 7.

(4) Heat vs. (5) Bulls. Ben Wallace vs. Shaq part 2, should be a low scoring series, unfortunately, the Heat just aren't good enough to make it past Chicago, Bulls in 6.

Western Conference:

(1) Mavericks vs. (8) Warriors. Golden State will hang around with Dallas, but the play of Nowitzki, Howard, and Stackhouse will catchup to the Warriors, Mavs in 5.

(2) Suns vs. (7) Lakers. Lakers being garbage + Suns with Amare Stoudemire= Suns in 5.

(3) Spurs vs. (6) Nuggets. AI and Carmelo Anthony aren't mixing to well, that Spurs defense won't help them either. Spurs in 5.

(4) Jazz vs. (5) Rockets. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Rockets in 6.

So there you have it, the NBA predictions for round 1, who do you think will advance?

I am Proud to be a Bay Area Native

Why couldn't the San Jose Sharks, the Golden State Warriors, and the San Francisco Giants, and the Oakland A's all win. (let alone play decent hockey, basketball, baseball)?

For the 1st time in 14 years, the Golden State Warriors are going to the playoffs after destroying the Portland Trail Blazers 120-98. The bad news is, they face the Dallas Mavericks, if they win just 1 game, the season is a success.

The NHL's San Jose Sharks are 1 win away from advancing to the next round, after beating the Nashville Predators 3-2, they'll have to absolutely choke with a 3-1 lead to NOT advance.

Barry Bonds homered as the Giants won last night, and the Oakland A's beat the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in Orange County in California 3-0.

So in conclusion, the bay area teams are kicking butt!!!!

What have the Seattle teams been doing? The Mariners lost their best pitcher to injury in addition to losing to the Minnesota Twins, and the Sonics show to their (remaining) fans that they want to stay in Seattle to the resounding score of Mavericks 106 Sonics 75. So of course the Sonics are going to stay, 31-51 equals new stadium!

In an unrelated story: Chicago White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle threw a no-hitter last night in their win over the Texas Rangers. If he were with the Cubs and had a no-hitter, we'd have a "The Cubs, are who we THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" joke, but you can't have it your way all the time can you?

2007 NBA Awards and Champs

2007 NBA MVP as picked by mookie: Steve Nash (You should know who he plays for)

NBA 6th Man: Leandro Barbosa (same team as Steve Nash)

NBA Defensive player of the year: Alonzo Mourning (Miami Heat)

NBA Offensive Player of the Year: Kobe Bryant (LA Lakers)

NBA Coach of the Year: Sam Mitchell (Toronto Raptors) Avery Johnson's run has been nice, but they just went to the Finals last year, the Raptors have gone from cellar dwellers to the playoffs with a lot of unknown players.

NBA rookie of the year: Brandon Roy (Portland Trailblazers)

NBA Most Improved Player: Who cares?

Enough of the awards, let's go to the NBA Finals predictions

Western Conference Final

Mavericks over Spurs in 6 games

Eastern Conference Final

Cavaliers over Pistons in 7 games

NBA Finals

Mavs over Cavs in 6 games

Finals MVP: Dirk Nowitzki

So there are my predictions for the NBA post-season, live with it.

Reggie Miller: Math Genius

I couldn't find a video, but in last night's Warriors/Suns scorcher, Steve Kerr said something at the 5:56 mark of the 1st quarter about the remarkable number of points scored by Golden State in only half a quarter. I do remember Reggie Miller replied to Kerr "Yeah, 7 Minutes."

WHAT?! Reggie, as much as I admired you in your playing career, half of a 12 minute period in Basketball is 6 minutes. Has he been this removed from b'ball since his retirement? Or was it just a slip of the tongue on a simple subtraction problem? Either way, it's still not good to NOT even change what you just said.